Hate Me – Blue October | Music Video | VEVO.
I have had this song on my computer for the longest, have always like the song, but only ever really paid attention to the chorus and the music. I so feel this way sometimes. Sometimes the most selfless/selfish thing that someone with mental illness can say. Opinions? Is wanting to isolate a feeling of guilt for making others around you worry about you, or simply just a need to shut the world out so you don’t have to feel it? I know for me my isolating is a combination of I just want to be left alone, because when I am not left alone I get more upset and end up being more outwardly emotional (angry, yelling, etc.) and I would rather just be left alone. I would rather someone worry about me, than to know that I am hurting them and see that I am hurting then, while feeling helpless to stop it. Because then, do I not only feel terrible about the world, I feel terrible for hurting them. I’m good today. I promise, just pondering.. was making a playlist to clean to and came across this song and wanted to blog about it.. Comments?
Lyrics:
Hate Me- Blue October
(If you’re sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can’t believe you actually picked me.)
(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it’s 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you were doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l… and… well… it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and…
Take care honey
I know you’re under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you
[Children voices:]
If you’re sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you’re dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can’t believe you actually picked me
Edit: On a funny side note… after that song on my playlist was Boxcar Racer’s “I Feel So”
