Still to come…


I feel tingly all over and I can’t sit still.  This is going to be interesting.

I went off my meds Jan 24, 2011 BECAUSE the State of California is a PITA.  I have been on meds since February 26, 2009 with only missing a day here or there, but never actually having all the drugs leave my system completely.   So, for 2 years I have been someone else.  I forgot how much I used to cry – because I cry at EVERYTHING. right.now.

I felt depressed, stressed, strung out.  Two days ago I started feeling like my body wasn’t my own.  I am very much emotionally alive but my body feels numb.  Like I was sleep walking, or the sensation you get when your shoes are the wrong size or on the wrong foot.  Like there’s a glitch in the Matrix.  omgz me in vinyl. *shudder*

Yesterday was a bad day.  I forgot to set my alarm so Angelina and I didn’t get up until around 10:30am so I let her stay home from school.  She said she wasn’t feeling well anyways… she has a cough and I am in the process of getting over a cold so I went with it.

She was her usual self… knew everything and for some reason felt like she has the right to talk balk to me.  I was feeling pretty foul but mostly restrained myself.  She had been bugging me about having a sandwich since an hour after she ate breakfast, so finally I told her she could make one.  First, there was a problem with the bread, then she made the sandwich and was reading the cheese package (from the deli) that said “Good before Jan 16,2010”  so she got it in her head that this cheese is OLD, even though we’ve only lived here for 2 weeks and bought the cheese a couple days after we moved in and it was FINE.  So she fought with me for 2 hours about eating the damn sandwich.  Finally, my mom wanted me to come over to check out her new computer so I told Angelina she needed to finish her sandwich sans cheese.. and she just sat there as if I had said nothing.  I told her I was ready to smash the sandwich in her face – she said “do it!”  so i did.  She thought it was hilarious… laughing the whole time.  I was extremely pissed off but decided to keep it to myself.  so we went to mom’s.

I just felt very agitated and aggressive yesterday.  I think that I may feel that way today as well but I am alone so I am not angry at anyone or anything.

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~ by falloutmommy on February 4, 2011.

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