Can’t Seem To Get It Right


I can’t sleep. (again)

My hearing is Tuesday and I have been completely nuts the past few days.  I can’t seem to focus or pay attention to anything.  I’ve been really spacey.  I talked to my attorney last Monday and we went over some of the information that the representation company that I went through had sent him.  He explained to me that Social Security has listings for certain conditions that make it a bit easier for them to decipher what is disabling and what isn’t.  Lucky for me the bipolar is one of the conditions that has a listing.  And according to my lawyer, two out of three of my doctors filled out the paperwork favorably.  Meaning they confirmed that I do indeed have bipolar to the point that it is disabling and prevents me from functioning normally.

I was quite surprised to find out that Dr. Asshole was the most thorough and also had the most definite answers of my bipolar being severe enough for me to qualify for disability.  Too bad his interpersonal skills were lacking.  I am just hoping that all of this is enough information for the judge to decide favorably.  I’m a basket case.  I have about 36 hours before I go before him, and the attorney told me that the judge rarely makes a decision on the spot.  Which, of course, means that I will continue to be a basket case until  I get an answer.  And then there’s what happens after.  I’m already feeling like I am perhaps having a mild mixed episode, and I just worry that it’s going to swing into a moderate episode if we win, or a depressive episode if we lose.

A friend told me that psychiatric disability is one of the easiest to get approved.  I am assuming this is because of the listings, and the specific criteria that is set out in the DSM-IV.  All doctors confirmed that I do indeed have the symptoms and meet the diagnosis for depressive.  One was sitting on the fence about mania, but definitely said the symptoms are severe enough to be disabling.  One was positive across the board.  And one said I met the criteria for depression, but had “insufficient data” about mania and severity of either set of symptoms.  That one will be omitted as it was filled out by my most recent doctor who I have seen twice and as of this past week no longer works for the practice, so I will be seeing someone else when I go in next appointment.

My panic attack seems to be subsiding so maybe I will try to go back to bed.  I just hope that my brain will shut down enough so I can get to sleep.  Considering taking that second trazodone that I’m allowed.  May be a good thing if I sleep most of tomorrow.  35 hours and counting

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~ by falloutmommy on April 5, 2010.

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