Ahhh, Christmas Time! I hope you die. The 90’s

Ok, as promised, here is the very scary Jessica’s Christmas Carol.

Ah, yes… Christmases past:

These are the Christmases where something other than the norm happened (stepmom getting trashed at one of her various family member’s house)

The ’90’s

Christmas 1992 – 8 years old: I discovered there was no Santa.  I’m not exactly sure what was going on because back then I was so traumatized by the fact that there was no Santa to remember if she was drunk or not.  But, regardless, I was awoken in the night by a bump in the living room (which was right thru my very thin bedroom wall) so I sneaked to the door to look around the corner…and there is my dad’s GF (later to be stepmom) putting stuff under the tree with a cigarette in her mouth.  I went back to bed.

Christmas 1994 – 10 years old: This Christmas was just after my mom had sued my dad for custody of me, but 6 months before it went to court.  So, I went to Mom’s for Christmas vacation.  Came home, Dad and Deb(stepmom) picked me up from the airport.  We went somewhere to eat.  It was just the 3 of us.  So, we’re eating.  And I notice sparklies on Deb’s finger… They got married 3 days before and didn’t tell us (by us I mean the kids).  WTG, Dad!  Of course, it mostly made sense that they would do it while I was at my mom’s after she was in the process of trying to get custody of me.  She was married, I guess they thought it would be better if they were?  At least in court.  I was extremely upset.

Christmas 1997 – 13 years old:  Started out normal, we were at Deb’s sister’s house on Christmas Eve.  All the adults were drinking.  Deb got considerably trashed, as were her sister and mother. (Did I tell you her whole family were alcholics?)  So, it’s late..time to go home (which is like 30-45 min drive)  We all pile in the car, Dad’s driving… we get just outside of town and Deb wants to go to the liquor store.  So Dad says “It’s 12:30 at night on Christmas Eve no liquor stores are open” but did she listen? Nope. Tried to open the car door going 55mph down the highway saying she would walk to the liquor store.  So, finally convinced her that she couldn’t get out of the car.  We get home, go to bed (well us kids anyway). But I know I didn’t fall asleep… I know that Deb is “Santa” and I know she is completely shit-faced, and I know she’s in a wonderful mood (haha).  So, not sure exactly what time it was, but somewhere around maybe 2:30-3am and I hear a thump in the living room (which is a bit away from my room in this house) And I’m thinking to myself “great!”  so then, hear Dad come out…voices start getting raised, yelling ensues, Dad’s telling her to let him call her dad (who was pretty much the only person that could ever talk any sense into her when she was drunk) but she’s M.A.D. (Mad Ass Drunk) so instead at some point during all this she has a steak knife and I guess tries to use it on him.  Good thing she’s drunk (irony) because her aim was off.  So, 5 foot tall 100lb angry drunk woman with a steak knife..what should we do?  Ok, we need to restrain her!  Closest thing? Vacuum cleaner cord!!!  Awesome! Quick thinking.  I knew her OCD-ness about vacuuming the floors 3 times a day would come in handy.  So, he gets her tangled up in that long enough to call the sheriff’s dept.  They show up and have their wet muddy boots on and are leaving tracks on the linoleum floor! So she’s yelling at them telling them to take their boots off at the door and is down on the floor with a paper towel trying to clean up the footprints.  They go to “help” her up to take her out to the cruiser…but she is angry!  They made a mess of her floor, must.clean.floor. nevermind in doing so she is resisting arrest!  Chalk one up to drunken stupidness!!! So, then everyone get interviewed.  I come out in my jammies and (I think he was Sheriff at the time, not sure. His name is Gary) So Gary says to me “I haven’t seen you since you were about yea big.” And proceeds to hold his hand about 3 ft off the ground.  Did I mention that when I was 3 foot tall my mom’s mom worked as the dispatcher for the sheriff’s office?

So, Deb spends 48 hrs in county jail because Dad doesn’t press charges but “We’re getting divorced. I’m sick of this shit.” etc etc etc  So, she takes the boys and goes and stays with her mom for a few weeks, then she promises Dad that it won’t happen again, and they got back together shortly thereafter.

December 1998 – 14 years old.  I say December because this Christmas started a little early and we wouldn’t want to confuse it with New Year’s which will be the next paragraph.  So. December 4. I unexpectedly lost my virginity.  mmhmm.  by force. to the boy who lived in the bedroom next to mine. SURPRISE!!!!

1 month later – Still 14 years old: I get home from my mom’s.  But there was still a day or two until school started  again. or maybe we got a snow day. I dunno. That’s not important.  So, Deb and Dad both had to work.  And us kids are home, so rather than leave me home to watch them both, Deb takes the younger of her two sons to work with her.  Leaving me and above^mentioned home alone.  Now, in the month in between nothing had happened.  If anything things had gotten better?  See, starting somewhere about the middle or end of the sixth grade I got boobs.  And along with boobs I got boob molestation from… guess who? that just kinda progressed to kinda something else.  And that all stopped after December 4.  So, I wasn’t really thinking much about being home alone with him.  I mean, the first time, everyone was home, it was just the middle of the night.  So. We’re home alone.  We’re in his room, I think we were listening to a new CD he had gotten for Christmas (I think it might have been Creed?)  and he starts touching me.  And I remember kinda slapping his hand away and him getting mad.  And then I remember pain and him looking down and seeing blood and telling me that I’m disgusting. And then he got up and went into is bathroom, at which time i got up, went into my bathroom and locked myself in there until someone came home. SURPRISE!!!

Christmas 1999 – 15 years old: I was at my mom’s.  I had a boyfriend who lived down here who I had started dating when I was at my mom’s over the summer.  Also had a best friend who lived down here that I had made over the summer.  On the phone with BF and on IM with BFF, and we’re talking about the fact that I had to go home the next day (I think) And so of course I am loathe to go back to my dad’s because… New Year’s wasn’t the end of my surprises.  After an 8 month hiatus during the first part of 1999, In August after I get back from my mom’s stepbro decides that things should go back to “the way they were” I guess.  So, I get 1st Bf, am totally in L.O.V.E. (see previous post about flash fires) and things were looking up in August.  Then I guess stepbro decides now is a good time for things to pick back up.  And so they did, regularly. SURPRISE!!  But I digress… So BF and BFF know about this, don’t understand why I’m so terrified to tell someone that can do SOMETHING about it.  The problem is this:  If I tell Dad, there’s always the chance that he won’t really believe me and nothing will change.  Or, He will believe me and then tear stepbro apart limb by limb and then Dad will end up in prison. (ha)   Or, I could tell my mom.  I knew my mom would believe me, I knew that she would confront my dad for me, but for whatever reason I had it in my head that I would still have to go back to my dad’s.  Nevermind that I was almost 16 and I was being abused.   After much convincing from my BFF I told my mom.  She literally bounced off the wall she was so upset.  So, 2 points, I opened the can of worms that was my abuse, and ripped the stitches out of an old wound of mom’s because she was abused when she was younger.  Not.Good. Mom called him screaming at him about letting the drunk and her devil’s spawn into my life.  And him saying that she and I were making it up so I didn’t have to live with him anymore. I should have though of that before!!! OMG!!! If all it took was a little rape to get out of living with them, I should have cried that 4 years ago! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Surprise!!!!!


~ by falloutmommy on December 24, 2009.

2 Responses to “Ahhh, Christmas Time! I hope you die. The 90’s”

  1. I am soooo sorry Jess, I wish I would have known, I would have done something to stop that. I hope you know that.

    • It’s not your fault. It’s just this Christmas season I have been really down, and have had time to analyze why. I guess over the years I have just gotten continuously more bitter over it than I realized.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: