I feel… nothing.

Life is going on around me.  I don’t really care.  None of it means anything to me right now.  I simply am.  And they simply are.  Simply are here to just not let me be.  Have a dr’s appt thursday… maybe Dr. C can give me some insight into why I feel worse instead of better?  Haven’t been feeling physically well the past couple of days either.  Was supposed to have my CT scan done a while ago.. have an appt with Dr. S next Tuesday.  I don’t know if I’ll go.  What’s the point?  I didn’t have the CT.  I didn’t have bloodwork.  Dr. C is prescribing all my meds that aren’t OTC.  I’m tired of being reminded that I’m sick and they’re not doing anything.  I will continue to see Dr. C every month because I know that even though I am not well now… I could be worse without it at all.  I have stopped taking my Strattera.  I have no desire to put anything more into my system that I don’t absolutely need.  It’s not keeping me alive..or improving anything.  Might be an option if I ever have to go back to work and be functional.  I’m so tired.  So very very tired.  Wish I could sleep forever.  Can’t wait til school starts…peace and quiet during the day.. no one to bug me except myself.  Don’t want to go anywhere.  Don’t want to stay home.  Just want quiet.  Want to be left alone…if even just for a little while.  Want to be able to stay in bed, and not have to shower or get dressed or eat or anything.  But I have a headache.  That’s what happens when I think too much about staying in bed.  Or if I sleep too much.  The headaches.  I have one now.  Angelina is singing and it is driving a nail into my skull.  It’s hard to write about how I feel inside when no one notices so much on the outside.  I’m down.  I haven’t gotten dressed.  But I am still coherent (for the most part) and responsive.  Don’t want to be a burden.  Feel like such a fraud when I say I’m sick.  I am.  But it’s not tangible…  It’s not something you can take a blood test for.  I feel sick today. so tired.  need a nap.


~ by falloutmommy on August 11, 2009.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: