This Post Has Nothing To Do With Bipolar Disorder

I want to start this post off by saying that more than likely it will offend someone.  If I say something that you don’t like, then don’t read it.  If you disagree with what I have to say, then that’s okay and it means that I probably disagree with what you have to say to the contrary; so we’re even.  And last, but certainly not least, I am not trying to judge anyone, I am simply stating MY beliefs.  I have that right.  You have that right too, and I have the right to ignore you, just as you have the right to ignore me.  Anyway, legalities and whatnot aside… on to my thoughts.

I believe that every human being should have the privilege to marry whomever they choose.  I don’t care if you’re heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, intersexual, transexual or what.  As long as you are of legal age and not immediately related to one another then you should be able to get married to your desired partner.  In the past I have been on the fence about this because I am a Christian, and well, quite frankly I’ve been taught that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman, to procreate.  But you know what?  Men and women get married all the time and don’t have children.  Does that mean that if you don’t want children that you shouldn’t be able to get married? No.  And I hear about Christian organizations speaking out against gay marriage because homosexuality is a sin.  Well guess what?  We’re all sinners.  I had premarital sex and was four months pregnant when I got married.  That was a sin.  Should I not have been able to get married?  Is Christianity a requirement for marriage?  Not that I’m aware of.  And I’m pretty sure that those who aren’t Christians could care less about whether or not their marriage was ordained by some God that they don’t worship or believe in.  So, no, I don’t believe that marriage should only be allowed between a woman and a man.  Marriage is no longer strictly a Christian ritual.  I don’t believe that it should be ruled strictly by Christian law.  Two men getting married doesn’t make my heterosexual marriage any less sacred.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that part out of the way the next thing I have to say may come off as a bit harsh.  I don’t believe that homosexuals are going to Heaven.  Or murderers, rapists, liars, cheaters, people who use curse words, thieves, or basically anyone who has sinned. UNLESS!  Unless, that person has accepted Jesus Christ into their heart, has repented of their sins, and has been baptized by complete submersion, and then continues to live a life as free from sin as possible and also continues to ask for forgiveness of sins on a regular basis.  Daily, hourly, minutely, if needed.  I will be the first to admit that I am not the best Christian that I could possibly be.  But I believe by what I have been taught and what I believe to be true in my heart that one day I will be accepted into that Heavenly realm where the streets are paved of pure gold.

Now, you may be wondering what the heck is going on here!  These thoughts came to me while I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep.  They are based on a conversation that I had earlier with my 8-year-old daughter.  She told us about a week ago that she wanted to celebrate Hanukkah.  I suspect it is mostly because she wants more presents (haha).  So I said to her, “We don’t celebrate Hanukkah because we’re not Jewish.”  She responded that GrandBobbi was Jewish.  And I told her that if she wanted to celebrate with GrandBobbi that was fine with me.  So at Sunday dinner at Mom’s, my daughter asked GrandBobbi about Hanukkah and GrandBobbi told her that she didn’t really celebrate Hanukkah, that she had grown up celebrating Christmas.  So, tonight my daughter brought up Hanukkah again by telling me that she wanted to open the present she got in the mail from Grandmom and PopPop (my husband’s parents) for the first night of Hanukkah.  I told her that those were for Christmas and that if she were going to celebrate both holidays that she would get small presents, like stocking stuffers, for Hanukkah and her bigger presents for Christmas.

She seemed a little down about that news and I asked her if she only wanted to celebrate Hanukkah so she could get more presents and she said that wasn’t the reason.  She brought up celebrating with GrandBobbi again and I tried to explain to her that GrandBobbi was Jewish in heritage, but not religion, and that she celebrated Christmas like the rest of us.  My husband chimed in about this time and asked my daughter if she even knew what the Hanukkah celebration was about, to which she said no.  She just knew that you light one candle each night for eight nights and you get a gift.  So, I asked her if she knew why we celebrated Christmas, and she said to celebrate Jesus’ birth.  At that point we got into a little discussion about Christianity and ended up telling her how the Jewish religion doesn’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah, or the Savior.  But as Christians we recognize his sacrifice and know that he died on the cross to atone for our sins so that some day we can be with Him and God in Heaven and that anyone who didn’t believe that would not be going to Heaven.  She had a really hard time believing that so I finally explained it to her this way:  Would you invite someone into your home who you didn’t know?  Someone who didn’t believe you existed? Someone who never answered when you called?  Someone who hurt the people you love, or who hurt your children?  She said that, no, she wouldn’t.  So I asked her – why do you think that God would?  Being a good person doesn’t give you a free pass into Heaven.  That is God’s house.  If He is a stranger to you, then you are a stranger to Him.  But there is an open invitation available to anyone who wants into God’s house.  Just ask Him into your heart.  Do the things I said above, repent of your sins, confess that you believe Jesus is your savior, and be baptized.  Try to live your life by the Bible.  As I’ve said before I’m not one to judge because I have my fair share of sins and skeletons in the closet.  But I’ve been in the watery grave of baptism and I came out washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ.  After this conversation my daughter asked something along the lines of how she would know when Jesus was calling her and I told her to keep her ears and eyes open, and her mouth closed and most importantly she would hear Him in her heart.

Leave Some Morphine At My Door

i’m at a blank.  I’m depressed, but I am having trouble putting words on this screen.  David came into the room earlier because he heard me bawling my eyes out.  We talked for a while and he apologized to me because he wasn’t paying attention to my warning signs.  Like the fact that I’ve been sleeping the past two weeks.  Today was the first time I cried though.  I had an interesting conversation with a friend and it made me sad.

I can’t sleep tonight.  We went to bed around 11pm, it’s now 3am.  I have yet to sleep.  I took some Benadryl half an hour ago hoping it would knock me out, but so far no luck.

We talked about how I need to make friends here in California.  I have a hard time keeping friends because I am flaky.  I’m good at meeting people, but I have no follow through and I am terrible about keeping in touch or making a point to “hang out”.  Ask my mom, she complains she never sees me and she lives six blocks away.  David said that he thinks it’s partly his fault because I have him and he doesn’t mind having me to himself, or something like that.  I was talking about how the friends I have I have known since high school and we’ve been in and out of each other’s lives since then, but I know that they would be there for me if I needed them, even if we haven’t spoken or seen each other recently.  Friends I’ve made since then it’s not the same with.  They’ve come and mostly gone.  Of course, that’s probably because they were “work friends” and when the job ended so did the friendships.  David asked me if that meant that I wanted to go back to work.  At least he got me to laugh.

I’m afraid to make new friends.  I fairly recently lost two friends that were important to me.  No, they didn’t die.  And most people would say I couldn’t have lost them because they haven’t really been in my life recently anyways.  Yet, I feel the loss profoundly.

Anyway, I think the Benadryl is kicking in.  I’m going to try to catch some zzzz’s.  Hopefully, I’ll be back later today to finish this post.